thinking aloud ...

2008-04-24T00:48:00.003+08:00

ode to you...

how do I explain, what do I say
you are mine, come what may
there are times I crave for you,
and moments I abhor you

you give me peace
you give me tranquility
you put me at ease
you show me serenity

you are many things
you are one
to you, my feelings I express
to you, my sorrows I drown

how I wish you'd come to life ...

2008-02-06T13:00:00.000+08:00

You are a part of me always ...

Living away from my parents at such a young age was never as hard for me as most might think. I had you by side. You were both my parent and guide; you were there whenever I needed you so much so that I thought I will always have you by my side.
Your loss was something I never imagined would happen. It took me by surprise, you were just down with flu; nobody dies from that. We never seen eye to eye on many things; what can you expect from a kid who thinks all adults want to do is curb her freedom. Of course, I realised much later what a great influence you had been in my life. I am what I am today partly because of you.
I never realised what a great person you must have been until I saw the crowd that turned up for your departure from this world. I’m sorry I never got to tell you how much I respected and admired you. I don't think there is anything you could not do. It’s been thirteen years since you passed but till today I get teared up everytime I speak of you.

I miss the stories about magical mangoes and wandering spirits.
I miss all the remedies you make me when I fall sick.
I miss you teaching me how to make those complicated braids.
I miss you showing me how to draw parrots with three strokes.
I miss you berating me for not paying attention when you tried to teach our mother tongue.
I miss listening to the anecdotes of your childhood.
And mostly I miss your wisdom.

RIP Mrs LR : Departed 6 Feb 1995

2008-01-24T00:39:00.000+08:00

Thank you for being a friend...

I read somewhere that a best friend is someone with whom you share everything; well... if that is the definition of a best friend; then I don’t have any friend that fits that profile!
Ooh.. I have many close friends, I guess every one of my friends know some aspect of me but I don’t think there is one who knows every single thing that takes place in my life.
I guess I have different friends for different seasons;

friends with whom I go to movies, dinners or simply window shopping.
friends with whom I share my passion for books and theatres; we occasionally swap books or talk about the books we read.
friends who share the same quest for traveling and seeing places.
friends to whom I unload my fears and worries.

No matter how different my friends are, they are all important to me; I need each and every one of them at some point or another in my life. I’m glad to be blessed with quite a number of close friends with diverse personalities that bring colour to my life. I hope I can enrich their lives as much as they have enriched mine.

To all my friends,

And when we get older
With walking canes and hair of gray
Have no fear even though it's hard to hear
I will stand real close and say
Thank you for being a friend
~Andrew Gold~

2008-01-22T16:15:00.000+08:00

Goodbye my wise one...

We’ve been together for more than a decade. People say that I’m wiser because of you. However, it is time to remove you from my life. I thought we could go on forever but I couldn’t take it anymore. The pain you are causing me will only get worse if I let you stay any longer.
I thought it’ll hurt when I had to let you go … but surprisingly it was easier than I imagined it to be. Of course, there will always be a scar to remind me of your existence in my life.
Farewell … my dear, thank you for all that you’ve done.

My own quirky way of saying goodbye to my wisdom tooth...

2008-01-22T00:15:00.000+08:00

New form of exercise...

Moving to a new job in a different city embarked another new chapter in my life. For the first time (not counting my college days), I had a place of my own. Unlike some friends I know, I was quite comfortable staying with my folks, for they gave me enough privacy to do my own thing. However, the idea of having my own place made me feel more grown up and responsible.

The other factor I looked forward to was being able to arrange my place as I see fit. Although I’m more inclined to comfort than home décor, I prefer things to be aesthetically and strategically placed according to their purposes and needs. This one factor has always been the bone of contention between my dad and me. He fails to see why the dining table cannot be used as a temporary place for his toolbox or why he cannot leave his recently worn shirt lying around on the couch. Well … luckily the maid was around picking after him.

However, as everyone without the luxury of a maid will agree with me, keeping house is not all that fun. Now, I was not a pampered princess; back in my growing-up days, I had to do my part of the household chores and by the age of thirteen I was doing my own laundry. Only much later, when hiring maids became more affordable, my parents engaged a foreign maid. Of course, like everything good, once you get the comfort of having someone do most of the work for you, one tends to take things for granted. Although I worked late almost everyday and some weekends, the times when I was free I was able to laze around watching the idiot box or hanging out with my friends.

So what I do when I’m free now? The mere thought of going out or lazing around comes only after I’ve done the household chores for the day. When my working and maidless married sister asked me how I was adapting to staying on my own, I lamented how I spend my weekends doing household chores. She laughed and gave me this look that said “wait til you get married and start your own family!” Well … don’t plan to go there yet!

Anyway, though it may seem tiring; after a hard day of cleaning, the feeling of being in my clean and comfortable home is very fulfilling. And you know what?? .. All the household chores actually made me fitter; with this who needs exercise. I lost a couple of kilos already… so if you want to lose weight, lose the maid and do your own chores and you also save money in the process.

The only thing that irks me is having to constantly pick hair that seems to be falling endlessly; something about hair lying around drives me nuts. Hhmm... maybe I should do a Sinead O'Connor.

2008-01-15T00:00:00.000+08:00

Thank you for the harvest...

Today is Ponggal .. which means Harvest Festival .. celebrated by South Indians, mainly farmers.. a celebration thanking the Lord for the bountiful 'harvest' He has bestowed .. I guess it is akin to the Thanksgiving that Americans celebrate. Though most South Indians are not farmers any more, this festival is still celebrated grandly as a symbolic way to express their gratitude to the Almighty; and this is one time of the year when I get a chance to reflect and count my blessings. So what am I thankful for this time?

I'm thankful for current job that allows me to be home after six.
I'm thankful I have good parents who gave their blessings for me to move far away from home and yet call me often to check on me.
I'm thankful for friends who still make time for me whenever I go home even though I'm out of their sight.
I'm thankful for the old friends at my new home and new friends who embraced me for making me feel less lonely.
I’m thankful for the minor colds and cramps I suffer in the times of cancers and tumours.

My list can go on and on ... but I guess what I'm trying to say is that compared to many people, some of us have pretty good lives and yet we fail to ‘see’ the good things we have and blow up trivial matters of less importance. Maybe it’s time we start looking at the big picture and stop to smell the roses now and then ... til then Happy Ponggal for those it matters.

2008-01-11T09:52:00.001+08:00

You are my rock...

Your incessant need to know everything in my life drives me nuts at times. People say that we are a lot like – physically and temperamentally; and yet we are always comfortable being at odds with each other. Maybe we are similar to magnetic poles; likes repel and opposites attract.

I admire your courage and tenacity to stand for everything you believe is right.

I admire your ability to do your chores even despite being sick.

I admire the passion you have for living things especially animals and plants.

I admire your willingness to do strenuous work that even men would hesitate to do.

I admire your intelligence though you never completed your high school education.

I admire your selflessness in putting the needs of others above your own.

Above all, I admire the person that you are.

We may fight, argue and sulk for hours, but deep down I know that I have your love forever.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOM!

May you celebrate your birthday for many years to come.

I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life. ~Abraham Lincoln~

2008-01-08T23:15:00.000+08:00

Forwards...why?

When I check my personal email, guaranteed eight out of ten emails I find in my Inbox are forwarded ones. These forwards, most of the time, are about the side effects of using certain products, the horror treatments of certain religion or some stupid chain letters.

In my early days of emails and Internet, I believed almost whatever that was sent to me … I mean most of them seemed so credible. Remember the mail that said if your lipstick turns black when rubbed against gold, that means it has mercury in it? After getting that mail, I immediately whipped up my lipstick and rubbed my gold ring against a smear. Lo and behold, it turned black! My friends who tried the experiment also got similar effects regardless of the lipstick brand. Of course; it took me some time to learn the truth from one of the sites debunking such myths.

When I thought about it, it struck me that any email of such, albeit sent by my closest friends, may only have partial truth or sometimes far from it. From then on, I make verifications on such emails. You may think that it’s a waste of time when I could have just ignored them. Well, it is alright to ignore if the information is merely about the side effects of certain products. What if the email is more damaging especially when it involves religion, race or culture? If my matured highly educated friends can believe these information to be true, then I think it is my duty to at least let them know about the mistakes they are making. The dissemination of information through the Internet is very powerful and almost always exploited. So my friends, please make sure that what you are sending to people out there are accurate and true.

Hhmm… maybe I should try sending out a concocted story about how coconut oil has chemicals that make you go bald and see if anyone believes it?? ;-)

2008-01-05T01:14:00.000+08:00

Well, words can’t describe how sorry I am. I know I promised to check on you, at the very least, once a month but I have failed you. No matter what excuses I come up with, I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness. After all, I did abandon you for almost four years; however, if you give me another chance, I promise to be prompt, in fact I’ll drop by every week to keep you updated and make you look good.

Happy 2008...

As we usher in 2008, the ubiquitous word being uttered everywhere is 'resolutions'. Aah… it’s that time of the year again, when we list down our new year’s resolutions' which most of us try to keep for the first couple of months and give up gradually in the following months. Now, I mean no disrespect for those who meet their resolutions each year without fail – well congratulations folks, you are far and few in between.

I never really had any new year's resolutions before; not that I’m faultless …just that I’m quite well aware of my inability to fulfill them. I figure that most resolutions are either about letting something go (like smoking or excess weight) or doing something (like talk to the cute guy/gal or building an empire …well this is a bit stretched but still..). As I was thinking of this, I realized that we are always going for something that we do not or could not achieve before. The more challenging our resolutions are, the more unattainable they become. Hhmm… maybe I should have a resolution this year; something more achievable and yet fulfilling as well. That’s it, settled then; my resolution for 2008 is to repeat all the good things I’ve been doing for the past year; take less and give more.

Happy New Year ... may all your resolutions be met.